First, I would like to apologize for making a typing error in my last post. The confusion over the 4-sided triangle thing, yeah, I just got trigger happy. It has been corrected. My bad.
NOW! ON TO BUSINESS!
I leave for Chorale Tour in T-Minus 7 hours! Yay!!
I’m super excited! We sang our first concert of tour this evening(it doesn’t really count as tour having started, because it was just in the next town over, we car pooled, and returned to campus afterward). It was beautiful, if I do say so myself! I can’t wait to get on that bus tomorrow with my lovely friends and do nothing but SING for the next week! Yay! Yay! Yay!
This may not sound like fun to some of you, and for some it wouldn’t be, but this group includes some of my very best friends on campus and we get a little crazy and a little over-excited and it makes life very interesting! 🙂
Anyway, the point is: I will miss you, readers! Please keep thoughts of health and safe travels for my choir going this next week! I don’t want to sick! Yikes!
I would promise a blog post the moment I return, but, due to the mono issue, I will probably sleep for several days afterward. I will update sometime over Thanksgiving break, though! If it’s after, have a happy holiday everyone!
I love you, bloggers!
Wednesday, November 16
7:00 p.m. Nelson UMC (Boonville), 407 E. Spring St.
Thursday, November 17
9:15 a.m. Mexico High School, 639 N. Wade St.
1:00 p.m. Macon High School, 702 N. Missouri St.
7:00 p.m. Arch UMC (Hannibal), 56017 Ocean Wave
Friday, November 18
9:20 a.m. Hannibal High School, 4500 McMasters Ave.
11:30 a.m. Holt High School, 600 Campus Drive (Wentzville)
7:00 p.m. Webster Hills UMC, 698 W. Lockwood Ave.
Saturday, November 19
7:00 p.m. Manchester UMC, 129 Woods Mill Rd.
Sunday, November 20
9:30 a.m. Manchester UMC, 129 Woods Mill Rd.
10:50 a.m. Manchester UMC, 129 Woods Mill Rd.
7:00 p.m. Fenton UMC, 800 Gravois Rd.
Monday, November 21
9:30 a.m. Rockwood Summit High School, 1780 Hawkins Rd. (Fenton)
1:15 p.m. Pacific High School, 425 Indian Warpath Dr.
7:00 p.m. Eureka UMC, 215 North Central Ave.
Tuesday, November 22
9:25 a.m. Washington High School, 600 Blue Jay Drive
1:30 p.m. Union High School, 1 Wildcat Dr.
I wish I could schedule panic attacks. They suck. A lot. This post maybe should have been written last Wednesday when the details of the event were still fresh in my mind and I needed an escape route, but every time I thought about the issue that tightness in my chest cavity started again.
This can all be traced back to a conversation had at my birthday party over break. Some friends and I were sitting around at my parents’ house talking and it was mentioned that Dreamer and CrazyGirl(A term of endearment, I assure you) will be graduating from High School on The Hill next year. Logically, it follows that LittleSis will be graduating the year after. Two years until she is done with high school. What does this make me think of? “Holy crap I’m graduating from college in TWO YEARS!!!”
This does not seem like enough time to absorb all the knowledge I need to absorb before I leave this place. It does not seem like enough time to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished. And it certainly does not seem like enough time to earn all the credits that I need in order to graduate. Almost everyone that I’ve talked to about this last point has said the same thing, “So just stick around for a fifth year like I’m going to.” Well, that is great advice except for the fact that I have three years of seminary to go through after I get my B.A., and(more notably) I can barely afford to be here THIS year. Where on Earth would I find the money for a fifth year when I’m currently worrying about paying for a third?
Now onto the actual panicking I want to talk about.
Last Wednesday night, I was attempting to get my schedule arranged, so that when April 4 rolls around, I’m totally ready to go. The problem is this, everything that I need to take ended up stacked on top of each other. My scholarship agreement(which I am INCREDIBLY thankful for) has clear stipulations: that I take part in a large ensemble, audition for and(if accepted) take part in a second, and enroll for applied vocal lessons. This is usually not a huge deal when it comes to scheduling, but the lovely administration has decided that next fall the Philosophy classes should be scheduled during the same time that Conservatory Singers has been scheduled for the last SEVERAL years, if not always, I really don’t know. There are only two classes for Philosophy being offered that I haven’t taken yet and now I can’t take either of them.
But wait, there’s more!
There are also only two Religion classes being offered next semester that I haven’t taken yet. Take a guess at the problem. Right-o! They too are scheduled at the same time as each other. Why are these departments having this problem, you might ask? Oh, the joys of a small university. I’ll tell you the problem. It’s because there is a mandatory RL101 class that EVERYONE must take to graduate. I certainly don’t have a problem with this. As a liberal arts college, especially one sponsored by the Methodist Church, it seems appropriate to expect undergraduates to have a well rounded and basic grasp on world religions and the roles they play in people’s lives. What I do have a problem with is the fact that there are only THREE professors to cover both the Philosophy and the Religion departments and the majority of their time is being used up by these freshmen courses. Yes, Ministry Man is willing and able to teach classes on occasion, as are the professors adjunct, but those are hit and miss situations.
What’s more, because I dropped Astronomy this semester, I am entering my junior year with a General Education science requirement to take care of. Once again I will state that Conservatory Singers has been scheduled for the MWF 2-250pm slot for as long as any of us remember. Why then are all but one of the labs for this required science class scheduled over the top of the choir rehearsal time that I literally am paid to attend?
I played this game for over an hour before I had to get out. My chest felt tight, I wanted to throw something at someone, and I felt like I was suffocating. So I went for a walk. I was out for about an hour I think. There are a few notable things to mention here, A. The Nerdmate was texting me through all of this. He was very supportive and accepting of the fact that his girl friend is crazy. He reminded me that I am capable of this and that dropping out and becoming a hobo was maybe again my better judgment. B. In this situation 6 months ago I would immediately sought escape and comfort in food. I can honestly say that through the attack I’m pretty sure food was the farthest thing from my mind. Instead, I sought refuge in a walk around town, an activity that is both calming and productive. Of course, at the time I wasn’t thinking about this, but the fact is that even though my weight loss journey is far from over, my attitude and behavior toward and about food is changing.
Here is some good news for you, readers.
1)Friday I sat down in my advisor’s office and he helped me lay out a schedule. He reminded me that I am ahead of most of the people in my class as far as credits go and that my grades are better than most. He assured me that I was going to be fine. “You CAN do this, Kay.” Thank you, Dr. J.
2)I hit the 40lb mark on Sunday. Yeah, I am almost half way to my goal weight and I couldn’t be more excited. As often as I find myself thinking that my progress is too slow or that I’m not doing enough, even I must admit that 40lbs is a big deal.
What did I learn? Sometimes we are blinded by the little things that seem so horrible, that we forget about the larger things that are really amazing.
Yes, I’m being an awful student and avoiding all the reading that I should be getting done. No, I haven’t spent my three day weekend working on it like I should have. Oops. 🙂 The Roommate is gone until next Saturday and I’ve kind of been avoiding spending time alone in my room.
I DID spend my weekend, well part of my weekend, practicing for the Induction that I, as the new Vice President of Ritual, have a huge part in. We had our first rehearsal this evening and it ran pretty smoothly for our first real go at it. Tomorrow’s will be even better, I just know it!
I spent the Saturday part of my weekend at the Rockbridge Showchoir Festival. Loads of fun. If you’re into vocal music at all, you should go to at least ONE competition in your life. They were my favorite part of being in highschool. Turns out, I still love it. I miss showchoir so much, but it was neat to see how far my girls, Hilltop Harmony(my old choir and LittleSis’s current choir), have come. Let me tell you, they were working it! Their theme this year is Vegas and it was completely awesome. They kicked butt and took names too! I was so proud, especially of LittleSis. I can’t wait to see them perform again at Battle Of The Best next weekend on The Hill.
The rest of the weekend has been fairly uneventful, but with really good things thrown in. I’ll have to write a post about the boy situation soon. It’s gotten quite interesting. I’m playing by a whole new set of rules that I’ve never had a use for before. It feels nice.
Tomorrow I have my weekly appointment with the nutritionist. I’m VERY excited! I don’t want to tell you how much I’ve lost until next week, just after the one month mark, but it’s been significant already. I’m working really hard and I’ve found that I actually really enjoy working out. You know that thing they call “runner’s high?” I think I hit that for the first time tonight, but on the bike, if that’s possible. All I know is that I did 6.5 miles and felt like I could do more, but wanted to make sure I could walk tomorrow. Haha! It felt really awesome and I had a really good stretch afterwords. I just can’t wait to find out where I’m at in the weight loss plan tomorrow!
I’m having trouble coming up with a decent post. There’s a lot going on right now, but I just can’t seem to make sense of it all.
I got a job today! I can tell you that. I’m now a sales representative for Vector Marketing which is connected with Cutco Cutlery. It’s not a glamorous job, but a broke college girl’s gotta do what a broke college girl’s gotta do. No one wants to hire someone who’s only here on break. This job will allowing me to make a little money over the course of the next week and a half and will guarantee a summer position. I figure something is better than nothing. And because I make my own appointments, this summer I can hold a second job as well.
L.A. and I haven’t spoken much since Christmas. I’m trying not to be concerned. A couple of days ago I asked if he was upset with me and he said I’ve been asking that a lot lately. I’m trying to avoid asking again. I’m pretty sure we’re still cool, he’s just been busy with other things. He told me yesterday that he’s made a new friend that he’s been hanging out with a lot. Again, I’m trying not to be too concerned. I’m happy for him, because he needs to be making friends out there, I just hope this isn’t more than a friendship. If it is, he’ll tell me and we’ll move on, right? That sounds simple enough.
Today I also had a voice lesson with this really awesome guy, Ben! Mr. P. introduced us and I’m so very thankful. It was a brilliant opportunity. Ben has amazing talent and is really a wonderful coach. I hope that maybe in the future(maybe with money made from my new job!) I can have more time to work with him. I feel like I learned so much just from my hour(ish) lesson. He helped me understand some new things technique-wise and introduced me to a new piece which I just love, I Will Be Loved Tonight. Mostly, I just plain had fun and I came out of the lesson actually feeling like I do have some talent. I think when I’m at school I jsut get so bogged down under the pressure of it all that I forget to have fun, I forget that I sing because I love it, not because of some scholarship. Yes, getting paid is a perk, but it’s not worth it if I don’t remember to enjoy the art.
I appologize that this post is a little ADD and that nothing terribly interesting was discussed. I just felt like I was neglecting you all. Hopefully I’ll come up with something truly fascinating to talk about soon. Here’s hoping.
Title adopted from the Flogging Molly song What’s Left Of The Flag
That’s right! Flogging Molly is once again going to be in KC to celebrate the St. Patrick spirit with all of us Kansas City Irishfolk! Dropkick Murphys will also be in town and I’d REALLY like to see them, but their concert is a Wednesday and I’m not sure if I can pull that. It would really be a dream to see them both live so close together.
In other news:
I finished ANOTHER PAPER! Yay! If you’ve been following along, that means I only have ONE MORE to write this semester! Of course, the last one is the Epistemology paper, so it’s going to be the most difficult… Oh well, I’m determined to be successful! I can and WILL do it.
Speaking of Epistemology, I took my final today. Yes, it’s a week early, but Dr. C. will be in a plane over the Atlantic on his way to Jerusalem during our scheduled final period, so that wouldn’t have worked out well. I don’t mind. I don’t think I wouldn’t have bee anymore prepared for the exam had we waited the extra week. I felt pretty good about the exam when I was finished. I’m notorious for screwing up his “Multiple Multiple Choice” questions, though. Hopefully, like on the last exam, my overwhelming success on the essays and short answer will make my epic failure on the multiple choice a mute point.
I’m still waiting for Dr. J. to grade my Old Testament papers and input my grade for that class. The website says I’m currently sitting at a 62% which is
FREAKING ME OUT not bothering me much. I really enjoy the class, I love listening to the lectures, I just really dislike the essays. That’s unusual for me, I’m usually pretty B.A. at essays. I have absolutely no idea what my grade in that class will be.
As you can see, my grades and everything that goes along with that train of thought are all that is occupying my pretty little brain. Which is pretty awesome, because it means I’m not obsessing about the What Might Be in the WhiteKnight situation. Mr. P. was here for my Christmas Concert on Sunday and he was such a source of encouragement. Neighbor #1 and I were talking last night and her statement was this: “It’s really good that you’re not losing your mind over this. You’ve got too much going on this week to be worried about WK. But I promise, no matter what happens, you’ll be happy.”
I can’t imagine being happy if WK and I don’t end up together, but I also know that that is incredibly melodramatic. I am confident, however, that no matter what, I will be satisfied with myself, because I did all I could. I made some mistakes this semester, I’ve admitted those to him, and now I want to fix it.
I feel like I’m finally proving to myself what kind of mettle I’m really made of. Go me!
It is, in fact, cold enough outside for it to snow. Yesterday, while none of it stuck, it snowed off and on all day. This was greeted by much happiness on my part. The only problem is that as a result of the additional cold air, along with my massive amount of stress do to the up and coming end of term and my severe lack of sleep because of it, the infection that had lodged itself in my nasal cavity has made its way into my chest.
As if having 5 papers, 4 concerts, recitals, juries, auditions, finals, etc., etc. weren’t enough now I am sick. This also means that I will not be performing on recital tomorrow as planned, but will be moved to next Thursday’s block. It also means that I will sound rather scratchy and possibly squeaky for both my 2nd semester Chorale audition and my audition for the musical, The Wedding Singer. I’m not a happy camper about this.
Two weeks from today I will be home, back on The Hill for almost a month. Yes, I will also hopefully be talking to the WhiteKnight shortly after as well, but first I have to make it that far!
My Old Testament class is killing me. Really. I let myself get far enough behind that now I don’t know how I’m ever going to catch up. Thus is the danger with depression, you don’t see a reason to do your work until it’s too late. I know I will make it through the last few weeks of this class, but I might lose my mind and all capacity for normalcy in the process.
Please, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I swim the ocean that is the end of the semester. I’ll try to keep you updated, but don’t hurt me too badly if I can’t make it on here regularly for a bit.