…Is to keep me in your thoughts and prayers, dear readers.
My mission, which I don’t have much of a choice but to accept, as laid out by my wonderful Bestie is this:
Each morning when I wake up, I must look in the mirror and say one thing I am excited about for the day. I must also decide on one thing I want to accomplish that day.
Today I was excited about going to work in the Library. I love my Library job, both because it’s a great job and because I love the people I work with.
Today’s task to accomplish is the writing of my rough draft for my cultural evaluation. I already have two pages done.
I am going to add this to my mission: At the end of each day, I am going to write down three things that went well that day.
It’s not the end of the day yet, but my three things are the two pages on my rough draft, my voice lesson(I successfully and repeatedly hit the high A in Little elegy), and my character analysis sheets for my voice lesson pieces(DJ said not only did I hit the nail on the head, but that I was the most creative and most detailed, and that he’d like to use them as references for how to do the worksheets for future students!).
Really, as you might be able to tell, so far my voice lesson was the high light of my day. This is rare and I’m glad it happened on today of all days. 🙂
A big shout out to my Bestie for all the advice and kind words she shared with me last night in the midst of my meltdown.
A few weeks ago she updated her facebook and I sent her a text message that said this, “Sometimes I think you’re silently communicating with me via your status update.” To which she replied, “That’s because I usually am.” Last night her status had this to say, “I will say it again, and as many times as I need to until you actually believe it: if you are feeling something it is a legitimate emotion and no one can tell you otherwise. You are the only one that feels it just like it is in your heart. I will never underestimate that. I love you forever and always.”
L.A. has also been really good to me lately. Not that he isn’t always wonderful, but lately he’ll just text me out of the blue. He tries to play it off as if he needs my advice, but I’m fairly certain it’s just because he knows I need someone to talk to. He’s been sending me memes from him collection and they really make me laugh.
I have the two best friends in the entire world. And they just love me through all my crap.
I think I can now begin moving forward through the crap and begin to at least figure out why I feel like my life is falling apart around me. I will pull my sh*t together. I will get good grades. I will graduate on time. And I will keep both of my majors. Until a time when I, and no one else, decides otherwise.
I can do this.
*A wonderful phrase I learned today in The English Novel, a class I’m taking.
This is long overdue, but I’d like to dedicate this status to my best friend, L.A.
For those of you who are new to A Day In The Life, my two best friends in the whole wide world are The Bestie and L.A.
The Bestie has been my best friend, literally, since before I can remember. I think our story would have turned out quite differently if I hadn’t marched up to her mother and asked, “Mrs.—–‘s Mom, can she come to my house tonight for Girl Scouts?” 5 yr old me was way braver than 20 yr old me.The Bestie and I have a very unique friendship. I like to believe that we’re 100% honest with each other, although I know that we each have our secrets and that sometimes we hold back information to protect the other. We are pretty opposite in most things, but we respect each other on a level that I’ve encountered with very few others. We’re also very similar(we’re talking identical twins similar here) in other aspects. We can go weeks without talking to each other(though that rarely happens) and pick up the phone and leave off where we left off. It’s pretty rad.
L.A. and I are a little more complicated. He moved to The Hill our Freshman year of high school. I had only been in the public schools there for about a year when I met him. Our first contact with one another(that I can recall) was when he instant messaged me on AIM(way back in the day) using my friend Flag Girl’s phone. He was apparently the new kid that had just moved into her neighborhood. We talked this way for quite a while before I actually figured out what face went with his screen-name. It turns out that he was that goofy kid sitting at the end of our lunch table that I didn’t know. Lol. I can’t really pin-point the moment we became good friends, let alone best friends. We slowly, over the course of a few years, became fairly inseparable.
We had our rough patches, but when he left for boot camp, I was pretty broken-hearted. I was pretty sure that was the last time I was going to see him. Luckily, his mom is a really wonderful lady. We came into contact with one another via Facebook and she kept me updated on how he was doing. Then he was out of boot camp and I slowly received more and more phone calls and texts. And then he left the military. And he moved to L.A. to be with his mom. And he needed a friend that could be a constant while he went through a great many changes. And somewhere along the line we realized that no matter how different we were and how many things were out of the ordinary about us being friends, there were few others we could talk to about our particular brands of broken.
I’ve never loved him more than I did the night he let me cry as I explained that I was severely depressed and had lost sight of why I kept going. He talked me through a lot of things that night and he told me things he had hidden in high school, things that we now found common ground in. He’s been a great support system for me, especially in the last year.
The last few weeks I’ve felt really broken again. I haven’t been taking care of myself and I’d been off of my medicine. I resented the possibility that I may need to take them the rest of my life in order to not make myself and the people around me miserable. He reminded me that there are people that love me and want what’s best for me and he listened, once again, as I got angry at the world and at myself. Then he told me to get my head on straight and start doing what I needed to do.
Thanks, L.A. I love you. And I’m always here to return the favor. 😉
My favorite time of the day, on the days I get to be with the Nerdmate, is when we’re alone and we’re cuddling. All manner of conversations take place in those moments. Whatever is on our hearts or in our minds comes to the surface. I love it because we feel socomfortable talking to eachother about anything and everything. Every awkward question is met with patience and laughter, every tear wiped away with gentleness and empathy, every misunderstanding smoothed away with love.
I can’t imagine anything better than the safe feeling I feel when I’m in the Nerdmate’s arms. No matter what else is going on in our lives, his arms are always waiting for me. Maybe this sounds silly or naive, but his arms are home. This is a profound thing for me. “Home” has always been a tricky word for me. I feel at home in many places, but it always feels like I’m in someone else’s home, another fixture in someone else’s life. In the Nerdmate’s arms all of that is gone. I finally feel like I’m living my own life, not just appearing in other peoples. It’s a wonderful thing.
These last two days, while a little sketchy in some ways, have been sublime. LA is here for the first time in two years. Two years. It’s still difficult to believe he’s here. I’ve missed him so much, more than I even realized until I was hugging him for the first time on Sunday. Best friends should never go this long without seeing each other. I hope in the future, we won’t have to. There is talk of my visiting him over my Christmas break, I think I can make that work. I really hope I can. Seeing LA(the city) again would be a real treat. Seeing LA(my best friend) is amazing.
This week holds so much promise. We’re already having a blast(even if I’ve been a little stressed). The boys get along pretty well, their sense of humor is fairly similar and both are willing to make comprimises for my sake. They’re so sweet! It so funny, though, because the Nerdmate has so little experience with big towns and cities and LA obviously has a lot!
I think Friday we’ll go to the zoo. That sounds like a fun idea and it will get us away from the house for a few hours. Picnic anyone? Haha!
Those of you out and about in the world for this holiday week, be safe. Those cozy in your homes and at work, I feel your pain! 😉
I’ve been in this office all week preparing for Sunday morning! I’m so excited and more than a little nervous, but that’s pretty normal for me. My sermon is just about complete, my slides are done, my order of worship is all flushed out and bulletins are ready to be printed! I’ve been very productive. 🙂
The pastor I’m interning under began talking with me today about the “pre-ministry” book I read last summer. As I was glimpsing through it beforehand something caught my eye that I hadn’t considred before. I reread those few pages about compus ministry an that avenue toward fulfilling your calling and I felt a family tug at my heartstrings. I’m nto sure what God’s telling me, but I’m going to explore that more, especially when I get back to campus in August.
Other exciting pieces of news:
Little Man and I went to a LINC sponsored event at the KC Public Library last night and had the opportunity to meet with Susan Pulgar. She is a remarkable woman, originally from Hungary, she became the first female Grand Master in chess at the age of 21.
Also, LA and I have been talking and yesterday it became official: he’s coming to visit me!!! 🙂 His plane will arrive at 330pm on Sunday, in time to enjoy some 4th of July festivities, and he’ll be staying with us until August!
And I can’t recall whether or not I share this with you, but The Nerdmate will be coming to celebrate the 4th with my family and I and staying the week as well.
This means that my two favorite guys in the whole world will be here at the same time! I’m so supremely excited! I really hope they get along. I think they will, they both love me very much, after all!
Haha! I’m just kidding. They ave other things in common as well. 🙂
Anyway, I better get back to work. I was just so excited that I couldn’t keep it from my readers any longer! 🙂
Have a good one, folks.
*The name of this really awesome book that The Nerdmate is making me read. 🙂
Have I mentioned how great it is to be dating a guy that is as ridiculously nerdy in a gamer/book lover way as I am? Well it’s freaking fantastic! Tonight, for instance, I’m going over to The Nerdmate’s fraternity father’s room and we’re writing up character sheets for the D&D campaign that we want to start soon. I’m going to be playing a gnome monk, if you want to know. Also, as the disclaimer about the title indicates, we have a lot in common in the literature field as well. The Name Of The Wind is one of his favorite books, he’s read it four times and plans to read it once more before the new one comes out next month. Not only is the story line wonderful, but the language of the book is supremely crafted. AND WE TALK ABOUT IT! I’ve never talked with a guy about a book. L.A. or FellowNerd might be the exceptions to this.
Yeah, we definitely spent the majority of the evening talking about D&D. We even gotten into a debate over the merits and demerits of the various editions. Not one, but BOTH of my parents were chiming in via text message. They are disappointed in me for playing 4e, but that’s what the guys are playing. I’m just being a good sport.
In other news,
I had a REALLY fantastic voice lesson today! We only worked on two of my songs, but those two songs are going to be beastly! Both are really beautiful and are in my middle range where I can really take advantage of my voice. Prof. A. seems really excited and for once, so am I. I feel more confident in my voice than I have in quite some time. It’s a great feeling.
My Dot, The Nerdmate and I’s fraternity daughter, has been working really hard at learning her info for the Member In Training National Test in March. She’s been having a little difficult keeping up with her info and keeping up with her schoolwork, but I have complete confidence in her ability to do fabulously. The real stress factor is that to be accepted into the Nursing Program, there are certain classes she has to pass in the first try with a C or better; she got a C on her first test in Physiology. She has plenty of time to correct the situation, but it’s really got her on edge. We’re going to work this weekend on her info and make sure we leave time for her to do other homework.
I think that’s all the exciting things happening in life right now. I’ve been really happy lately and life is treating me nicely. The Nerdmate is definitely a contributing factor, but I feel like I gush about him a lot, so I’m just going to end the post on this note: Valentine’s Day is Monday and this will be the first year that I have a Valentine. 🙂
The was to get up this morning, go to my 8:30, be very studious, get out about 9:45, hop in the car with my mother and drive to KC for my appointment with the nutritionist, find out how much weight I’ve lost and have a BMI done, drop kit and paperwork off at Vector, replenish supplement supplies and pick up things I had left behind, drive back to school.
Turns out, just because you plan ahead and have it all worked out, doesn’t mean that is what is going to happen. I woke at 7am to a call from my mother saying that BabyBro and LittleSis didn’t have school, because the roads on The Hill are covered with ice. Her exact words: “It just isn’t worth it.”
Thanks for the ego boost, Mom...
What really gets me is that the high schoolers who were out of school because of this dreadful ice didn’t seem to have a problem driving around on it. Also, there wasn’t ANYTHING on the roads here, so I’m having a difficult time being sympathetic. She could have at least let me bring the scale with me to school, you know, the one that I bought… Gr.
Needless to say, my day started off pretty dimly, but I forced myself to keep my chin up. So what if I have NO IDEA how the weight loss has gone this week. So what if I have NO IDEA what the results of my lab work last week are. So what if I did’t get my BMI done today… Right? Gr. Ok, i’m going to be happy again. 🙂 See? I can do it.
I DID feel good about our SAI Executive Board meeting today. I got everything figured out for my reports for meeting on Thursday, we’re on schedule for Induction on Friday, and I felt all around accomplished. Go me!
Ok, I promised a post about the boy… well, boys.
See what I mean? New and different situation that I’ve never been in before with a whole new set of rules that I have to figure out how to navigate! This is good, though. I feel good.
I love him. He’s my best friend and besties tend to love each other, right? But where is the line between love for a best friend and love for a partner and have we crossed it at some point and not recognized it as such? We both have issues, both physically and mentally. We’re both working on these things, but can we overcome them? Should we even try? What about his confusion? How do I encourage him in “us” without being pushy or expectant? Things are really great with us right now and I don’t necessarily want to risk upsetting that. I want him to continue to feel comfortable telling me anything and everything. I love talking to him and he always knows how to make me smile. He has developed this sweet side that I’ve never seen before. Is that something everyone sees or just me?
Alabama is new to this particular playing field. He and I also went to high school together and is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known. He’s always sweet and there is definitely flirtation happening, the thing is that he flirts with a lot of people and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. If things were to develop with Alabama, it would be another difficult situation, because he’s in the Army and is currently at AIT in, you guessed it, Alabama. He’s also doing bomb type things and his expected lifetime is INCREDIBLY short and I just don’t know how to handle knowing that. I do like him, but it’s going to be a while before we know if there’s anything there.
3) The Bad Boy
He probably IS bad news, but there is an attraction there that I can’t really explain. He’s definitely not my usual, that is for sure. Just about every person I’ve talked to about this situation says he’s only in it for one thing, sex, but I think there just might be more on his mind. There is, however, a bit of a situation between him and Neighbor#1. He has liked her for a long time, but she says there’s nothing there. It basically sucks. What I don’t get is that when he was feeling down the other night, he didn’t text her, he text me. The advantage to The Bad Boy is that he lives on campus, he is in fact the next dorm hall over. He’s also involved in the Conservatory and is a ΦMA.
I’ve never had multiple guys like me, let alone been “talking” to them all. Granted, I’m not sure you can call what L.A. and I do “talking.” Nevertheless, I’m excited and curious to see where it all goes. And now you know! Which was the whole point of all of that.
Have a good evening, everyone!
I’m having trouble coming up with a decent post. There’s a lot going on right now, but I just can’t seem to make sense of it all.
I got a job today! I can tell you that. I’m now a sales representative for Vector Marketing which is connected with Cutco Cutlery. It’s not a glamorous job, but a broke college girl’s gotta do what a broke college girl’s gotta do. No one wants to hire someone who’s only here on break. This job will allowing me to make a little money over the course of the next week and a half and will guarantee a summer position. I figure something is better than nothing. And because I make my own appointments, this summer I can hold a second job as well.
L.A. and I haven’t spoken much since Christmas. I’m trying not to be concerned. A couple of days ago I asked if he was upset with me and he said I’ve been asking that a lot lately. I’m trying to avoid asking again. I’m pretty sure we’re still cool, he’s just been busy with other things. He told me yesterday that he’s made a new friend that he’s been hanging out with a lot. Again, I’m trying not to be too concerned. I’m happy for him, because he needs to be making friends out there, I just hope this isn’t more than a friendship. If it is, he’ll tell me and we’ll move on, right? That sounds simple enough.
Today I also had a voice lesson with this really awesome guy, Ben! Mr. P. introduced us and I’m so very thankful. It was a brilliant opportunity. Ben has amazing talent and is really a wonderful coach. I hope that maybe in the future(maybe with money made from my new job!) I can have more time to work with him. I feel like I learned so much just from my hour(ish) lesson. He helped me understand some new things technique-wise and introduced me to a new piece which I just love, I Will Be Loved Tonight. Mostly, I just plain had fun and I came out of the lesson actually feeling like I do have some talent. I think when I’m at school I jsut get so bogged down under the pressure of it all that I forget to have fun, I forget that I sing because I love it, not because of some scholarship. Yes, getting paid is a perk, but it’s not worth it if I don’t remember to enjoy the art.
I appologize that this post is a little ADD and that nothing terribly interesting was discussed. I just felt like I was neglecting you all. Hopefully I’ll come up with something truly fascinating to talk about soon. Here’s hoping.