Looking Forward, Glancing Backward
I know I am a bit late to the party, but I’d like to do a brief reflection on 2013.
Just prior to the last new year, I found myself really starting to fall for a friend of mine. Then, sh*t hit the fan with The Nerdmate and his new gal bringing out all the tremendously awful things about our relationship and why it ended. Subsequently I began to doubt everything I had held to be true, particularly about myself and I reverted to pushing my loved ones away.
That is how I began 2013, but it is not how I ended it.
2013 was the year that I rediscovered myself. I rediscovered my passions for painting, for academics, and for God. I had nothing left of the girl whom I had been with The Nerdmate and 2013 showed me that that was more than ok; that was bloody fantastic! In 2013 I rebuilt my self-image according to who and whose I am inside, not based on the arm I clung to.
In 2013 I was accepted and began my journey as a dual degree student at Princeton Theological Seminary. I met extraordinary people who I sincerely hope will be my friends for a lifetime.
I left people behind. It’s sad and I miss (some of) them every day, but our lives go trudging on and they are beautiful because of it.
I moved 1300 miles away from my family and my best friend.
I cried. A lot. More than I think I’ve cried in the rest of my years combined.
I fell in love with a town and with a youth group that didn’t fall back.
I learned to study.
I learned to forgive.
I learned to let go.
2013 was a hard year, but by far not the worst I’ve faced. I sought help when I needed it and I trusted others with my pain. 2013 was a year of huge change and I’m immensely grateful, because change came at the best time possible, whether I liked it or not. Usually not. 😉
2013 was the year that Plato drug me from his notorious cave and showed me what life in the sun looked like. Every step of the way hurt. It bruised me. It made me bleed. I kicked and I screamed. The sun initially burned so badly I could not keep my eyes open, but when I did… when I was finally able to see as I had never been able to see before; it was the most glorious thing I had ever beheld.
I can only hope that I learn as much in 2014 as I did last year. Maybe with a few less cuts and scrapes. Eh, Plato?