This House Is Becoming A Home
This is a new beginning. I have a totally blank slate to work with and I plan on taking full advantage of that! I am now officially moved into the third floor of Brown Hall on the Princeton Theological Seminary campus. I am exactly 1154 miles from my parents’ front door. I am 1061 miles from the Central Methodist University main campus. I have already cried from both sorrow and laughter, fought my first cold, taken a Hebrew quiz, made friends that will last a lifetime, and gotten behind in reading for classes. I guess you could say I’m settling in.
I want to make it absolutely clear to everyone that all of the messiness of the past four years that has made its way onto the pages of this blog, are done and over and I don’t wish to rehash them. Yes, they have helped developed who I am and the character of my person, so I am willing to share my struggles as an understanding of that, but this is my new beginning and I am not going to waste a moment of it. The pains of the past are just that, the past. The people discussed in those pages who aren’t in my life anymore, aren’t in my life anymore for a reason.
Last semester, and even more so this summer, I tried to mold myself into the person I want to be. That is still and will always be a work in progress, but I feel like I have come so far from the girl who cried over boys who didn’t love her and who felt alone in the world. Will I deal with those things again in the future? Of course. I am a human being and I deal with human emotions and faults, but I hope from now on I can be a little smarter and a little brighter and carve out the future that I desire, the future that God has called me to.
I hope that I pray more and that I take more time to think things through before diving into relationships and arguments and every other kind of struggle I will face. I want to live more in God’s presence and know who and whose that makes me. I want to be free to be me and to feel and act like myself no matter the circumstances. I want to love myself the way that God loves me and maybe start allowing others to love me that way too. I don’t want to settle for less anymore, because I am not less than that.
I feel stronger and more able to face the life that lies before me. I know it will be hard at times; I have no doubt of that, but here I can build the community of ministers that will be so crucial to my ministry. I learned the importance of this during my time in Wisconsin and I am forever grateful to my friends there for the lessons they have and continue to teach me. In just the few weeks that I’ve been in New Jersey, I have already met people who lift me up and remind me that I am whole just as I am. What a blessing it is!
Thus far the things that are keeping me sane in the mountain of reading and homework are Pride and Prejudice, my SAI paraphernalia, Netflix, coloring, and Facebook. I actually had to go buy a new box of crayons, because I left all on mine in KC. I know! Shocking! But it was really nice to crack open that new box this evening. I have also invested in tea and coffee, because my life would not be complete without my favorite hot beverages. If anyone has any Oolong or Pu-erh they are willing to part with, I’d be eternally grateful. I have yet to find a real tea shop. I’m sure that when The Great and Powerful Aubs is here next she can help me out. 😉
Until the next post, be well, my darlings!