Today was my last homecoming as a student here at CMU and it was a good one, despite the downpour that began at noonish and hasn’t let up yet.
Usually, I’m one of those people that most of you dread. I get tearful at the end of an era and I wax nostalgic quite frequently, but today my eyes remained dry. I don’t know if it’s a sign that I’m growing up, or if it’s another thing about me that changed this year.
I’m proud of the things that I’ve done in my time here at Central, glad for the friends I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had, but I don’t feel all that sad about leaving here in seven months. Honestly, the people I feel I’ll miss the most are my professors. Again, I’m not sure what that says about my social skills of late.
I’ve noticed that I don’t like being in a large group for very long anymore. I’d much rather just a few people hanging out laughing. I’ve done far too little laughing lately. When I’m with my friends, my laugh and smile feel forced.
I don’t feel sad really…
…I’m not sure what’s wrong with me anymore.
I think people are tired of hearing that I’m sad, that I feel lonely, so I try not to talk about it. Sometimes it still slips out, though.
Like now. This is supposed to be a happy post. I had a good day, honest! I got to see some alumns and have good conversations with them! I had a great time at the Σ AI and ΦMA songfests! I always like listening to the band! And then I went over the the Nav House for game night! I only stayed a few hours before returning to my room, though.
I’ve always been a people person. What if I’m not anymore? Is that bad?
Some days I miss the old me. Some days I don’t.