Well, Ladies and Gents, it has been a MINUTE since I posted last!
Last I left you, I was a sad, pathetic ball of mess on the floor.
Honestly, I don’t know how much better I’m doing, but I’ve resigned myself to just working through it. I have to push the feelings of inadequacy and fear and pain way down deep and move on with life.
As you may know, graduation is a mere 7 months away! That is both exciting and terrifying. Even more frightening, grad school applications are due beginning next month! I have my work cut out for me. This all makes me very nervous and puts me under a great deal of stress. The result is a mixture of sickness-I’m currently fighting off a bout of strep throat-, panic, and insomnia! Hooray!
“Where’s that good news you promised us?!” You ask?
WELL! I can reassure you that there are good things happening around here. I have found that there are still friends here that remain loyal through it all. Some were surprising candidates, I must admit, but some I should not have doubted. I’m more thankful for them than I can express, they help keep me out of my own headspace. And when I do get caught up in my thoughts, they let me say what I need to say, shed my tears, and be done with it. And the best part, they never bring it up again.
I’m also being constantly reminded of why I love my professors so dearly. They daily say and do things that put a smile on my face. They make me proud to be their student and they make me want to make them proud. Sometimes in life it is hard to find good role models, well I have plenty right here at my fingertips. They are kind and intelligent adults who look out for each other. They genuinely care about those who care about learning from them and they treat me like a mature individual who is going somewhere in this life. When I start to feel down, they are there to remind me that they have confidence of the utmost in my abilities, even before my friends are. I can’t wait to be their colleague!
I know that those who regularly read this are used to the rollercoaster of my life. Most of you probably wish I would just get used to the fact that life often throws me cruve balls that I am not at all prepared to deal with. I’m trying. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to learn from all this, but people I trust, people I look up to, keep telling me that I will be stronger and more able to fulfill my purpose because of the heartache, the sorrow, and the stress that this semester has brought. I can only hope and pray that they are right.
I love you all. Thank you for everything.