I have been really excited about today for a while now. This is the first time you’re hearing about it, because I didn’t want to yell it from the rooftops and then have it fall through.
Today, aside from it being our(the seniors) LAST football game here at CMU, is the Practice-A-Thon at Drake University! Hooray!
“What does this mean?!” You ask.
It means that a group of ΣAIs and ΦMA, ΘO and BM chapters, will be ROAD-TRIPPING to Des Moines to participate in an ΣAI/ΦMA fundraiser there!
The idea is that we’ll be locked safely away in the Conservatory there with nothing to do but PRACTICE! Ok, we’ll be doing homework and playing games and loads of fun stuff besides just practicing, but you get the idea! The point is, it’s like a marathon. You get pledges for each hour you practice!
It’s not too late! If you’d like to donate, go HERE! Any and all donations are helpful and appreciated. 🙂
I hope to upload pictures and make updates, mostly for my BigSis, throughout the evening/morning!
But FIRST! I have to run down to the football field real quick like a bunny to make it for Senior Day! More on that later.
…Is to keep me in your thoughts and prayers, dear readers.
My mission, which I don’t have much of a choice but to accept, as laid out by my wonderful Bestie is this:
Each morning when I wake up, I must look in the mirror and say one thing I am excited about for the day. I must also decide on one thing I want to accomplish that day.
Today I was excited about going to work in the Library. I love my Library job, both because it’s a great job and because I love the people I work with.
Today’s task to accomplish is the writing of my rough draft for my cultural evaluation. I already have two pages done.
I am going to add this to my mission: At the end of each day, I am going to write down three things that went well that day.
It’s not the end of the day yet, but my three things are the two pages on my rough draft, my voice lesson(I successfully and repeatedly hit the high A in Little elegy), and my character analysis sheets for my voice lesson pieces(DJ said not only did I hit the nail on the head, but that I was the most creative and most detailed, and that he’d like to use them as references for how to do the worksheets for future students!).
Really, as you might be able to tell, so far my voice lesson was the high light of my day. This is rare and I’m glad it happened on today of all days. 🙂
A big shout out to my Bestie for all the advice and kind words she shared with me last night in the midst of my meltdown.
A few weeks ago she updated her facebook and I sent her a text message that said this, “Sometimes I think you’re silently communicating with me via your status update.” To which she replied, “That’s because I usually am.” Last night her status had this to say, “I will say it again, and as many times as I need to until you actually believe it: if you are feeling something it is a legitimate emotion and no one can tell you otherwise. You are the only one that feels it just like it is in your heart. I will never underestimate that. I love you forever and always.”
L.A. has also been really good to me lately. Not that he isn’t always wonderful, but lately he’ll just text me out of the blue. He tries to play it off as if he needs my advice, but I’m fairly certain it’s just because he knows I need someone to talk to. He’s been sending me memes from him collection and they really make me laugh.
I have the two best friends in the entire world. And they just love me through all my crap.
I think I can now begin moving forward through the crap and begin to at least figure out why I feel like my life is falling apart around me. I will pull my sh*t together. I will get good grades. I will graduate on time. And I will keep both of my majors. Until a time when I, and no one else, decides otherwise.
I can do this.
Today was my last homecoming as a student here at CMU and it was a good one, despite the downpour that began at noonish and hasn’t let up yet.
Usually, I’m one of those people that most of you dread. I get tearful at the end of an era and I wax nostalgic quite frequently, but today my eyes remained dry. I don’t know if it’s a sign that I’m growing up, or if it’s another thing about me that changed this year.
I’m proud of the things that I’ve done in my time here at Central, glad for the friends I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had, but I don’t feel all that sad about leaving here in seven months. Honestly, the people I feel I’ll miss the most are my professors. Again, I’m not sure what that says about my social skills of late.
I’ve noticed that I don’t like being in a large group for very long anymore. I’d much rather just a few people hanging out laughing. I’ve done far too little laughing lately. When I’m with my friends, my laugh and smile feel forced.
I don’t feel sad really…
…I’m not sure what’s wrong with me anymore.
I think people are tired of hearing that I’m sad, that I feel lonely, so I try not to talk about it. Sometimes it still slips out, though.
Like now. This is supposed to be a happy post. I had a good day, honest! I got to see some alumns and have good conversations with them! I had a great time at the Σ AI and ΦMA songfests! I always like listening to the band! And then I went over the the Nav House for game night! I only stayed a few hours before returning to my room, though.
I’ve always been a people person. What if I’m not anymore? Is that bad?
Some days I miss the old me. Some days I don’t.
Well, Ladies and Gents, it has been a MINUTE since I posted last!
Last I left you, I was a sad, pathetic ball of mess on the floor.
Honestly, I don’t know how much better I’m doing, but I’ve resigned myself to just working through it. I have to push the feelings of inadequacy and fear and pain way down deep and move on with life.
As you may know, graduation is a mere 7 months away! That is both exciting and terrifying. Even more frightening, grad school applications are due beginning next month! I have my work cut out for me. This all makes me very nervous and puts me under a great deal of stress. The result is a mixture of sickness-I’m currently fighting off a bout of strep throat-, panic, and insomnia! Hooray!
“Where’s that good news you promised us?!” You ask?
WELL! I can reassure you that there are good things happening around here. I have found that there are still friends here that remain loyal through it all. Some were surprising candidates, I must admit, but some I should not have doubted. I’m more thankful for them than I can express, they help keep me out of my own headspace. And when I do get caught up in my thoughts, they let me say what I need to say, shed my tears, and be done with it. And the best part, they never bring it up again.
I’m also being constantly reminded of why I love my professors so dearly. They daily say and do things that put a smile on my face. They make me proud to be their student and they make me want to make them proud. Sometimes in life it is hard to find good role models, well I have plenty right here at my fingertips. They are kind and intelligent adults who look out for each other. They genuinely care about those who care about learning from them and they treat me like a mature individual who is going somewhere in this life. When I start to feel down, they are there to remind me that they have confidence of the utmost in my abilities, even before my friends are. I can’t wait to be their colleague!
I know that those who regularly read this are used to the rollercoaster of my life. Most of you probably wish I would just get used to the fact that life often throws me cruve balls that I am not at all prepared to deal with. I’m trying. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to learn from all this, but people I trust, people I look up to, keep telling me that I will be stronger and more able to fulfill my purpose because of the heartache, the sorrow, and the stress that this semester has brought. I can only hope and pray that they are right.
I love you all. Thank you for everything.