The life of a not so average girl doing not so average things.

So Here’s The Thing…

…I feel REALLY lonely. I should be totally excited for my senior year, and there are certain aspects that I certainly am excited for, but the last two days have not been at all like the first days of school of yore. 

The Nerdmate and I are not the friends that he said we would try to be. He won’t look at me, let alone speak to me. I finally got a few words out of him, but only because I marched right up to him and gave him no other option. 

I’m in a single room, which I was totally excited for until I had to be moved to the first floor of another building because of my leg injury. Now I’m not only alone in my room, but I don’t know anyone on my floor. The girl next door seems sweet, she helped me move some furniture today(it wasn’t going so well on crutches); the girl across the hall seems nice enough, but today she asked me if I knew The Nerdmate, that got awkward very quickly.

I am surrounded by all these people, but I can’t really interact with them as I normally would for a variety of reasons( the biggest being my leg). I want someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be ok. I want a shoulder to lay my head on until I feel like I’m ready to face my problems. I want someone to hold hands with and to give a quick kiss to between classes. I want someone to love me again. 

Here I had thought that I had found Prince Charming, but he was just another toad. 

I do not want this fall to be like fall 2010, the semester of the disastrous meltdown between WK and I. I have been perfectly ok with the break-up these last few weeks, life was great. I DO NOT want to go back to that dark place I was after WK. I will do anything to avoid it.

-Kay

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4 responses

  1. RUth

    Oh, Kay, I love you 🙂 Here is a long-distance hug!
    Life is hard, school is hard, relationships are harder. I am proud of you for recognizing the dark place is always hiding around the corner. You have a HUGE support group, pull on us. Do you need a 1/2 way visit? I’d be glad to come 1/2 way this weekend to see you…I’ll bring Liath…everyone loves her 🙂
    I’m excited for you to get out of your comfort zone. If you are to be in any type of ministry, you will be uncomfortable in your situations a lot….people are weird…it’s hard to get to know them especially is there is “baggage” to stumble over. Sweep it away, be yourself and get out there. Know people.
    Be well.

    August 22, 2012 at 08:05

    • Kay

      Ruth,
      I will be in KC this weekend to see Music Man at Crown Center, I’m hoping to be in church on Sunday. Thank you for always supporting me, it means a lot to me. And you’re right, I am going to be out of my comfort zone a lot, I guess now’s as good a time as any to learn to deal with it. I’m feeling ok today, the last two days were just really hard. I went from roommate and boyfriend to neither and I wasn’t prepared for how that would hit me, especially in the evenings.
      Hope to see you Sunday!

      Kay

      August 22, 2012 at 10:05

      • Ruth

        We won’t be at church for church, but maybe can stop in for coffee before.

        August 22, 2012 at 10:40

  2. I don’t want you to feel alone. I feel the same way and it hurts. Please don’t hesitate to ever talk to me about anything. Can’t wait to hang out with you later. (:

    August 23, 2012 at 19:35

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