The life of a not so average girl doing not so average things.

Why It’s A Big Deal

Yours Truly will not be in the Central Methodist University Chorale next year. Why, you ask? Because I requested that my name be withdrawn for consideration.

When I tell people that, people within the Conservatory anyway, they get this bug-eyed, “You’re sh*ting me” look on their faces. No, I’m completely serious and I’m 100% happy with my decision.

It’s kind of a long and complicated story. The people who’ve been watching the madness unfold all year understand. Kind of. The other members of the Alto section get it more than anyone else, though. Especially those who are, likewise, leaving. There’s just too much drama and too much stress that come out of and play into the politics and practices of that particular ensemble. There’s also a severe lack of professionalism, which absolutely should not be the case of the “top” ensemble at the collegiate level.

I sing because I love to sing, I love to use the talent God gave me. I don’t sing because I’m required to. I don’t sing because I need to. And I decided that I won’t go another day singing to prove something. I am talented. I have skills, that are improving all the time. My. Voice. Is. Beautiful. So why would I stay with an ensemble that daily makes me want to stop using that God given gift?

There are just too many practices, both by director and students, that are unethical and unacceptable. We should be lifting each other up, helping each other to grow in talent and in passion of music. There is absolutely no reason to be shooting death glares, spreading doubt, and pitting each other against one another in a group that has that much potential. I should be judged on my talent and skill, and passion, not on whether I’m a music major or not, or whether you like my personality or not. That is ridiculous and childish.

You know, there are few things I’ve wanted as badly as I’ve wanted to be in the top vocal ensemble. In high school it didn’t happen for a variety of reasons, and it turned out to be one of the best things for me. I ended up as president of Hilltop and we had a fantastic year. But it fueled my fire, so that when I got to CMU, I was ready to work harder and put up with more than anybody to be in Chorale. And what do you know, I did it. As a sophomore. That’s kind of a big deal, it holds some weight in the Conservatory. And I had a blast! Going on Tour over Thanksgiving break the last two years has been an amazing thing, it’s the highlight of the fall semester. When we get on stage, we make music, there isn’t a better feeling in the world than to finally make it to that point.  But it’s not worth the misery I’ve felt in every rehearsal all year long. And it certainly wasn’t worth being made uncomfortable by someone who is supposed to be the professional, someone who asked me to talk about other students behind their backs.

It shouldn’t have taken being made to feel slimy and scummy in order to realize that this is not the way talents are supposed to be used. The voice, much like a person, is a God given gift that should be used to glorify the Lord. It is something to be rejoiced, not to be scrutinized or rejected. From now on, I’ll be using mine more properly.

I will be singing in the Conservatory Singers, a group that will allow me to sing to and for God, that will value me, and will make me happy; because singing should make you happy. It’s been about 3 weeks since I made this decision and I continue to be very happy with it. I’m not going to play that game anymore. My voice instructor, PA, has finally made it sink in that I don’t have to. He’s done something no one else has been able to do, he’s made me love and appreciate my voice; and I won’t be abusing it any longer.



4 responses

  1. I’m kind of both happy and sad to read this. Of course I’m sad that we’re not gonna be in chorale together anymore, because now that I’m inactive in SAI, that’s really the only time I get to see you…but then again, I’m happy that you’re happy with your choice, and I agree to an extent. The drama is ridiculous. Why can’t we all just sing and be happy? Jeeeeeeez.

    May 16, 2012 at 09:12

    • Kay

      Let’s plan to MAKE time to see each other, ok? We shouldn’t rely on classes or fraternity life to keep us together. I’m sorry that I’ve let our friendship slip this year. I’m hoping that maybe next year will be better in Chorale. Not that I think mine was the only large and in charge personality, lol. I just really want you guys to be able to reach all that potential and get over the naggy crap. IDK, I’m an idealist and it’s just really sad that there is that much talent and it’s not going anywhere. I’m really hoping you guys get to have a great year. And if you’re anywhere near me on tour, I will definitely come see you. 🙂

      May 16, 2012 at 19:17

  2. I know I’m totally way behind in the times but I finally have internet. lol. These are the same reasons I left. The politics and drama wasn’t worth me suffering. I love singing and music but I refused to continue working with people that bring each other down and play favoritism. It’s about performance and the sharing of a beautiful craft, not a drama club (please excuse the pun).

    June 4, 2012 at 17:43

    • Kay

      John! I’m so glad you stopped by and commented! I know you understand where I’m coming from, and you’re right. It SHOULD be about the music and the joy it brings. Too bad it’s not. It could be a really fantastic experience for everyone if they’d let it.

      June 5, 2012 at 00:18

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