Gods and Generals*
*A major motion picture, also the soundtrack I’m listening to currently
Grandma Mary died this afternoon. Those of you that have been with me since the beginning of this blog know that I’ve already been through the loss of one Grandma Mary, now I’ve lost the other. This grandma was the grandmother of The Bestie, mother of Mom M(also referred to as The Cool Mom). For most people, I think, such a loss would not be as shattering, but if you think that’s the way of it for me in this situation, then you obviously don’t understand my relationship to The Bestie and her family.
I’ve talked before about how The Bestie’s family, from a very young age, has adopted me as one of their own. A good portion of her extended family has done the same. The Bestie is an only child. Mom M is an only child. So when Sarah and I became such foundational parts of the other’s life, it wasn’t a huge deal to include me in a few of the family get togethers. It helps that our birthdays are so close togetherI invited Grandma Mary and Papa Jim to my graduation. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been to their house after a carnival or fair of some kind. I’ve been to family barbecues for Memorial Days and Labor Days. The loss hits me almost like it hits The Bestie.
The hardest part for me is that I’m not there. I’m in the midst of finals and have to stay here until the end. I won’t be able to really mourn until Thursday. Worse, I won’t be there to hold my best friend in what is going to be one of the hardest times of her life thus far, I won’t be there to be a daughter and a comfort for one of the most influential people in my life.
Mom M has been there for me through so much it’s unfathomable and it kills me that I won’t be there for her. I know she wouldn’t want me to be upset about that of all things right now, but I am. I wish there was a way to skip out of finals. I want nothing more than to be at their house with them. To be anywhere with them.
“If home is where the heart is, I’ve never been more home-sick than now.”