*The title of a lovely song by Dido that I’ve come to absolutely adore.
This is going to be a very short post, I’m afraid. It’s VBS week which means I’m SUPER BUSY on top of it being my last week in the office, which means I’m getting my summer projects wrapped up and Pastor and I had our last mentoring session for the summer today. We’ve also started working on the room I’ve been using as an office. It’s been in the renovation process for like a year and Pastor and I are so tired of looking at it, so we’ve taken matters into our own hands. My current project is the giant ugly cabinet that’s been in there for as long as I can remember.
These are the reasons why when you see me I look exhausted and am probably covered in paint, grit(from sanding), or both. Yay! But it’s totally worth it and as much as I bemoan it all, I really do love it. I’ve been taking pictures of the ugly cabinet as I go, so maybe I’ll get those up here one day.
Anyway, I’m out for now. I need to go get some sleep.
Once again I’m faced with the dilemma, do I write out all the troublesome events, my feelings and thoughts and risk offending and making things worse or do I lock it up. Last time I was faced with this dilemma, I went with my gut and blogged it out. You all know I use this space as my personal sanctuary/therapy. Last time it shouldn’t have even been a dilemma, because the point wasn’t even the bad things of the past, but the good and hope of the future. But that point was missed by many. Apparently I stepped on toes.
Because there was such an outcry from people related to the aforementioned previous post, I’m locking it up. Specific individuals have heard what happened and just about everyone else is sitting back and wondering why all of a sudden my brow in constantly creased and my smile is so obviously forced(when I smile at all). Well my friends, it is because once again things are not all well and good in the life of Kay. I’m in a difficult position and feeling kind of trapped.
I’m so exhausted, so tired of fighting, I feel like I’m always fighting. So, yes, I’m taking the easy way out. I’m staying put and just putting up with the way things are, because in exactly a month from yesterday I will be back at school and once again free to be me and live my life. I hate this and I can’t wait for things to be different. Thank you to those of you that have been my support system in the last week. I wouldn’t be making it through this without you.
Fear not, bloggers. I may be taking the wimp’s way this round, a small loss, but the scheming has begun. I will not be in this situation again. I will not, because I cannot. Things are going to change. One way or the other.
I don’t usually share forwarded emails or participate in the “repost this if…” statuses on Facebook. I don’t believe that God is going to change my life one way or the other just because of my decision to join the herd in those kinds of things. But one of the older women in my congregation asked the secretary to pass along this email, so I’m going to share it with you.
I’m also sharing this with you because there are some things going on that I don’t really care to deal with right now. First and foremost, how each day I long more and more to be back at school, to be surrounded by people who love me and whom I love in return. Thus, you’ve been given the gift of actually reading things related to work(Isn’t that how this blog got started in the first place?!). Enjoy the break from my thoughts.
I love my attorney
After living what I felt was a ‘decent’ life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the ‘prosecutor.’ He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him. The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn’t take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, ‘Let us begin.’ The prosecutor rose and said, ‘My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.’ He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life – couldn’t that at least equal out part of the harm I’d done? Satan finished with a fury and said, ‘This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.’
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, ‘HI, DAD,’ and then He turned to address the court. ‘Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won’t deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.’
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, ‘However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.’
My Lord continued with, ‘His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me. ‘Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.’
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, ‘There is nothing else that needs to be done. I’ve done it all.’ The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips….. ‘This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed.’
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, ‘I won’t give up, I will win the next one.’ I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, ‘Have you ever lost a case?’ Christ lovingly smiled and said, ‘Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, ~Paid In Full.’
*I did something new and different this week. I really did write out JUST notes. A few bullet points, mainly to remind me the order in which I wanted to talk about the bible verses. It seemed to go well! This morning’s scripture was Hebrews 10:19-25.
Let’s focus on the last few verses of that. Let’s take it verse by verse.
23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
This means everyday in every conversation, every action, we should be professing Jesus’ love.
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds
1 Cor. 12
Orchestra example (This refers to the example where every person in the church represents a different instrument and the instruments must all work together under the direction of the conductor to be an orchestra.)
25 Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching
Matt 18:20 “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
*The basic sermon I gave Sunday, July 3rd. Any of you who know me well know that I don’t actually say everything I plan to say and add in things as they come to me on the spot, so this really is just the notes.
This morning we revisit the story of Pentecost. It is a story of, excuse the pun, the disciples being set on fire for God. Tongues of fire came to rest on them, claiming them as God’s own. It is a story that gives us a glimpse into the power of the Holy Spirit. 12 disciples speaking to a crowd of people, people representing at least 13 different regions. The Scriptures tell us that each person heard according to their own language. Ok, let’s think about this: What do we know of Jesus’ disciples?
They were regular folks, everyday people. Everyday people of the time were relatively poor and uneducated. It isn’t likely that these men had training in languages other than their own or those of nearby places. Ordinary men didn’t roam the world. They stayed where they were born hoping to live a good life and provide for their families.
Even if each of the disciples had learned one language from a distant place and none of them learned the same distant language, the numbers don’t match up. Languages from 13 regions spoken by only 12 disciples? I don’t think so. So what happened then? Verse 6 says “And at this sound the crowd gathers and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each.”
If the Holy Spirit can make a crowd of people all from different places hear God’s message in a way that they understood, what else is possible with a little faith?
Each one of us sitting in this room had been called to something in this life, something that will make a difference for the glory of the Lord. What are some of those things?
You’ve heard me talking about the bible study we just started based on Max Lucado’s book, Outlive Your Life. I received this book for Christmas and had read chapters here and there, but it wasn’t until late April/early May that I sat down to read it cover to cover. Let me tell you, I wasn’t three chapters in before I felt that familiar tug at my heart. My problem is I want to do everything, help everyone, fix every problem. But one person can’t do everything. I don’t have the time, energy, or resources for that.
Mr. Lucado says something in his book that has really stuck with me. “One person can’t do everything. But everyone can do something.” Let’s think about just the orphans of the world. Just the orphans. How many rooms do you have in your house? Think about it. Now, how many rooms do your neighbors have in their homes? How much of that space is “storage?” I have a little room off of my closet that we call “the storage room” which basically means it’s filled with junk that we haven’t decided if we’re keeping or not. How many of us have these rooms? Want if every Christian in the United States took one extra room and put an orphan in it? Think about the difference that would make in the world.
Not all of us are called to adopt. Not all of us have the resources or the ability to take in an orphan child, or an orphaned adult for that matter, but each of us has the ability and the calling to do something. God is pulling at each of our hearts saying, “Do this for me, love this person for me.” Mr. Lucado’s book isn’t about Outliving Your Life through glory or fame for your actions, it’s about living beyond yourself.
When you accepted Jesus into your life as your savior you got the unconditional gift of his mercy and grace, and most wonderfully, his love. That love is now inside of you, like a wellspring of hope. Who are we to keep that hope, that tremendous love, to ourselves? Each of us is called to share Christ’s love for us, by loving others. How are you loving the people around you, the people in your community, the people in the world? When our grandchildren and great-grandchildren look back at the history we are making right now, what actions, or lack thereof, will we be held accountable for?
My favorite time of the day, on the days I get to be with the Nerdmate, is when we’re alone and we’re cuddling. All manner of conversations take place in those moments. Whatever is on our hearts or in our minds comes to the surface. I love it because we feel socomfortable talking to eachother about anything and everything. Every awkward question is met with patience and laughter, every tear wiped away with gentleness and empathy, every misunderstanding smoothed away with love.
I can’t imagine anything better than the safe feeling I feel when I’m in the Nerdmate’s arms. No matter what else is going on in our lives, his arms are always waiting for me. Maybe this sounds silly or naive, but his arms are home. This is a profound thing for me. “Home” has always been a tricky word for me. I feel at home in many places, but it always feels like I’m in someone else’s home, another fixture in someone else’s life. In the Nerdmate’s arms all of that is gone. I finally feel like I’m living my own life, not just appearing in other peoples. It’s a wonderful thing.
These last two days, while a little sketchy in some ways, have been sublime. LA is here for the first time in two years. Two years. It’s still difficult to believe he’s here. I’ve missed him so much, more than I even realized until I was hugging him for the first time on Sunday. Best friends should never go this long without seeing each other. I hope in the future, we won’t have to. There is talk of my visiting him over my Christmas break, I think I can make that work. I really hope I can. Seeing LA(the city) again would be a real treat. Seeing LA(my best friend) is amazing.
This week holds so much promise. We’re already having a blast(even if I’ve been a little stressed). The boys get along pretty well, their sense of humor is fairly similar and both are willing to make comprimises for my sake. They’re so sweet! It so funny, though, because the Nerdmate has so little experience with big towns and cities and LA obviously has a lot!
I think Friday we’ll go to the zoo. That sounds like a fun idea and it will get us away from the house for a few hours. Picnic anyone? Haha!
Those of you out and about in the world for this holiday week, be safe. Those cozy in your homes and at work, I feel your pain! 😉