The life of a not so average girl doing not so average things.

Marlena Kay Parkhurst

Sunday night a beautiful life was lost. Marlena was killed in an automobile accident, I don’t know the details, but I was told she wasn’t wearing her seat belt. I’m grief stricken, but I’m also angry. She was so smart, but usually neglected to wear her seat belt. How many times did each of us see her do this and stayed quiet about it? Probably more than we’re proud to admit now that she’s gone. I’m also angry with God. Logically I find that I have two options: either God is somehow to blame, or He had no power over it. I don’t want to believe either of those and I certainly can’t reconcile them with each other…

She was the kind of girl that everyone loved, but none of us took the time to tell her that enough. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and an absolutely amazing friend. We were friends, although not exceptionally close. We had classes together throughout high school and had several mutual friends. When you come from a town like The Hill, all your friends are pretty close. After graduation, every one went their separate ways, but Mar always made sure to check up on things via Facebook. She read this blog on occasion even. When things started becoming more official between The Nerdmate and I, she was right there wanting to know all the details. She said he was “one smart and lucky fella to have picked a girl like our Kay.”

She would have been so happy to hear how well he took care of me yesterday. When my friend, Stalker(a nickname given in love, I assure you), told me what had happened I couldn’t believe it. I was in the cafeteria for lunch, I cried right then and there. The Nerdmate first comforted me, then brought me back to my room. That’s when the poor guy got the brunt of my grief, but he just sat there quietly, holding me close while my body was wracked with sobs.

Marlena’s visitation is Thursday evening, and her funeral is Friday afternoon. Tomorrow I’ll deal with my professors, but there is no way I’m going to miss being there for her this last time. She always made time for me or anyone else when we needed her. I just wish she had taken the time to put on her seat belt. She would probably be in the hospital, but she’d also probably be alive.

Please buckle up.

Kay

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5 responses

  1. First of all, I think it’s awesome how honest you are. Losing someone young certainly leaves us in a position to question God’s sovereignty. Luckily when we turn back to his word, we are left only with example after example of where his faithfulness is beyond our human understanding. This is the meaning of faith. We CANNOT understand, even believe on our own, something I am learning right now.

    For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. —Ephesians 2:8-9

    While I don’t believe God brings pain just to “get our attention,” there is certainly no harm in using this experience to try to reach out to to others and keep them from making a mistake that could cost them their lives. Thanks for being positive when your heart is breaking. It’s easy to be angry at God and turn away. It’s noble, right, and honorable to be angry at God and draw in closer.

    Use this as a time of learning in your own life as well as trying to teach others to wear their seatbelt.
    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    March 8, 2011 at 20:02

    • Kay

      Thank you, Melissa, for your words of wisdom and encouragement. It is hard, but we’re all going to make it through this. I could write a long and lengthy response, but I don’t have much else to say. I’m hurting and being positive is difficult, I tend to just keep my mouth shut when I don’t have good things to say. Thanks, again.
      Kay

      March 8, 2011 at 22:50

  2. Dinoman

    Let me agree with Melissa here. There are things that God allows to happen sometimes. It’s not that He causes them or anything, just allows it. Like a kid with cancer or any untimely death.
    Sometimes, we don’t understand His reasoning, but have to have faith that He has reasoning and somehow, it all will work out in the end. Just remember that He has promised to never allow anything to happen to us that we cannot handle (1st Corinthians 10:13 is the place that comes to mind right off, but I’m sure there’s others too).
    Anyway, hang in there. Don’t forget that there are many people, God included, who love you and are pulling for you.

    March 9, 2011 at 16:58

    • Kay

      Dinoman,
      Thank you, friend. I’m having trouble the most with the part where he allowed this to happen. I know that’s wrong of me, I shouldn’t question is perfect plan simply because I can’t see the big picture, but that’s what makes me angry. He let this happen and I want to know why. It’s selfish, yes, but that’s what I’m feeling.
      Kay

      March 10, 2011 at 09:37

  3. Dinoman

    It’s perfectly okay to feel (or not feel) however you do. That can’t always be helped. It’s all about how one deals with that feeling. That’s what really matters.

    March 10, 2011 at 09:50

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