God Bless Us Everyone!
Happy Christmas to you all! I hope it was warm and festive for all of you, dear friends. I hope that you, like myself, enjoyed the terrific company of your families(both those by relation and “extension”).
I really did have a fantastic Christmas. I don’t know if it’s because of everything I’ve dealt with this semester or if I’ve changed somehow in the last year or some other cause, but this holiday I have felt so much love and I feel like I’ve been more appreciative of everything I’ve been given.
I don’t have much to write about. I don’t want to bore you all with a list of all the wonderful things that I’ve experienced in the last week. I do want to express my complete gratitude for the respectful and insightful conversation brought about by my last post. I know that sex is heavy topic. Even people who are casual about talking and acting out their views on the subject, often have a difficult time discussing what it means to them and why they behave the way the do. Thank you to all who shared.
Also, and this is big, we’ve had several first time commenters in the last week and I want to tell you all how much that means to me. First, you’re taking a moment to get to know me a little better when you read one of my posts and by commenting you’re going that extra mile to let me know you care. I truly consider you, by blog family, friends that I can count on. Thank you for that.
And now I need to update you. WK called. We’re not getting back together. He said the reason he hadn’t called was because all the words he could think of to say what he was thinking and feeling wouldn’t have been the words of a friend. He does want us to be friends, but he doesn’t think we can be more than that. Surprisingly, I’m doing really well with that. I think maybe, in some ways, I was prepared for that outcome. I am at peace with it. If WK and I are meant to be, we will be in the end.
In the meantime, L.A. has thrown me for a loop. He and I have a history. As I’ve said before, we’ve been friends for quite some time, but only in the last several months have we really gotten close. I talk to him every day and I count him as my best friend other than the Bestie(obviously). The thing about L.A. is that I’ve had feelings for him for almost the entirety of our friendship. He is well aware of that, because we have discussed it and the possibility of him having feelings on several occasions. The end result was always clear, he liked me as a person and a friend, but nothing more was going to come of it. Now he’s gone and told me that he wasn’t 100% honest with me about that. What I can’t figure is the extent or context of these feelings. Sometimes it feels like he would like to be more than friends, and others I get the distinct “best friend but never girlfriend” vibe. I don’t really know what to do with the situation and I don’t think he does either, so we’re currently just not. “It’ll be the same. Only now you know.” Right. But I’m still confused. Lol.
I know he’ll read this in the next few days(he always does) and figure that he’ll have to try and explain all over again. Fear not, L.A. I’m willing to just ride the waves and see what happens. You’re my best friend and I love it that way. If you decide you want to be more than friends, even if you don’t, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Currently, my plan is to just take it one day at a time. This is new for me. And a little scary. But I’m not as scared as I thought I’d be. I trust you. And with all we’ve been through, all the fights and frustration that we have in our past, I know we, as friends, can make it through anything. Together. And if that was too sappy for you, just think of it as payback for your mushy best friend talk the last few days. :-p