The life of a not so average girl doing not so average things.

My Thoughts On Sex

Ok! So, no one said ANYTHING regarding whether they would be uncomfortable reading a post about my thoughts on sex or not; therefore, up it goes. This post has been sitting in my drafts folder for about two weeks now and I think it’s time that it saw some actual screen time. Please feel free to comment and discuss, but please be polite. I want to hear your opinions, but don’t bash mine or anyone else’s. Thank you.

Sex is the most perfect of unions. Woman was created from man by God. God thus created a single act to bring man and woman back into perfect harmony. That act is sex. It is a time of perfect togetherness. You cannot be closer to a person than during sex. That precious gift should not be squandered and it should only be shared with the person that you love absolutely. You should know a persons mind, be in love with their mind, before you know their body, because during the act of sex you cannot hide. You are absolutely and perfectly you and the other person is absolutely and perfectly that person and you share those true selves with each other.

Here’s the reason I’m waiting until marriage: I want to be able to give myself to my husband in a way that I have never given myself to another person. I want it to be something that only he and I share. And likewise, I would love for him to have waited to give himself to me. If, in the end, that doesn’t end up being the case, I will survive and it doesn’t mean I will love him any less, but I can do my part by saving myself.

It doesn’t offend me that many, if not most, of my friends have premarital sex, it doesn’t even offend me when they have casual sex. I believe what I believe about sex and that doesn’t effect what anyone else thinks. and vice verse. What does offend me is when people mock my lifestyle. The very people who get upset when “bible thumpers” tell them that they are sinning for their sexual activities should be more considerate than to get in my business and call me a “prude.” I’m not a prude. I am simply respectful of such an amazing event.

The act of sex is sacred to me. It is an incredibly beautiful thing, even if the logistics of it kind of freak me out. I should not be judged for wanting to only share in that kind of union with a single individual after we have been married. I’m not afraid of sex and I don’t want to forbid myself from enjoying it. Sometimes it is hard to do the waiting. Sometimes I question myself. Then I remember that somewhere out there is a man that was designed just for me, to be my friend and lover. That’s when I remember why I wait, so that on my wedding night I can experience perfect bliss with my one and only true love.



6 responses

  1. Bestie

    That is pretty much perfectly written. It has been hard for me to wrap my head around your desire to wait, but I have mad respect for you for sticking to it.

    My favorite part is this “You are absolutely and perfectly you and the other person is absolutely and perfectly that person…” I whole heartedly agree with that statement. I may not want to be “in love” with the person I am sleeping with, but I do feel like I am “absolutely and perfectly” me when I am having sex.

    For me, it is a time to let go. No emotion needs to enter the mix and nothing needs to come out of it. It’s about being sexy and primal and going totally back to basics. I feel most connected with myself and with the earth because it is the most natural act that was ever invented.

    But anyways, Kay, I will always do my best to support you in this and everything else. And I do appoligize that Psycho Knight and I have no frame of reference in this from which to offer advice.

    Love you!

    December 23, 2010 at 00:23

  2. B

    Totally love this and agree 100%…I’ve tried to say it, but you say it far more eloquently.

    December 23, 2010 at 01:41

  3. I completely respect your position. And ideally, you’re right about sex.

    Here’s my only caution: be careful about building up that first night. Perfect bliss is not the typical reality for the first time. Sex is, as wonderful as it truly is, messy and raw and (definitely the first time and sometimes other times) painful and even awkward. All the more so for people who are fumbling through something with which they have little experience.

    This is NOT to discourage you, at all–just to caution you to recognize the reality and embrace it. If you go into that first time (and for all the times, honestly) with a good sense of humor and a lot of patience and a sense of adventure, rather than awe and unrealistic expectations, sex will be marvelous.

    I’m glad you don’t have a sense of shame attached, and that your reasons for waiting are truly yours rather than imposed from without. I went through over a decade of feeling shame attached to the sexual act, even when it was within marriage, and that was a horrible thing. It took some very hard lessons and a very hard lesson or ten to break down those barriers.

    Nowadays? I love it. And let me tell you, you’re right about something here. As great as sex is in its own right, sex with someone you truly love is AWESOME.

    December 23, 2010 at 08:20

    • Kay

      Thank you to all three of you for your comments and for sharing your thoughts.

      Bestie- Thanks for, like always, being my support system. I know we have differing views on the subject of sex, but maybe this way you can better understand why I do want to wait.
      B- YAY FOR FIRST TIME COMMENTERS!!! I don’t know if you read the blog much, but I’m glad you read this post and commented. It means a lot to me, friend.
      TM- I think when that first time comes, I’ll be able to approach it with a sense of humor and with understanding that it’s going to be messy and imperfect. Again, that’s part of why I want to wait until after marriage, because I don’t plan on marrying someone that I’m not absolutely comfortable with. I want to be so in love that we can laugh at the awkwardness. As for the pain, I know it’s going to be there and that there is no way around that. I can only hope that the pleasure of just being in that raw state with that future man is enough to outweigh the discomfort. I also hope that that man will help make the pain as bearable as possible.

      There is some fear involved, if I’m really honest with myself. I can’t imagine what sex will be like the first time or anytime and that scares me. I like to know what I’m facing before I face it, with this I can’t do that. I’ve made the choice to not face it before my wedding night. I can’t know that the other person is going to gentle or have the same desires as I do, but I hope that by the time we marry we’ll know enough about each other to understand what we should do and I fully expect this topic to come up when and if I ever get that serious with someone.

      Again, thanks for all your discussion and for being so respectful.

      December 24, 2010 at 10:48

  4. I was one of the last of my group of friends to lose my virginity (age 21). I have always thought that my advice to girls would be that I have never spoken to a girl who wished she had had sex at a younger age than she did, but that I knew many who wished they had waited. I think it is a wonderful, beautiful union. I also believe that each person must choose what is right for them. I appreciate your candor here. I admire the fact that you have really thought about what you want to do and how you want to do it.
    Also, not to contradict teachermommy, but my first experience was perfect–in its own way. Yes, a small amount of pain, yes a bit of fumbling, but it was with a man (boy) who I loved dearly and who also loved me. I certainly have had “better” sex since then…but it was beautiful and I have no regrets.

    December 26, 2010 at 08:16

    • Kay

      Sophie- Thank you for sharing! I think that is important for girls to know, especially young girls. I think the problem often is that people feel awkward talking about sex, especially with younger people. If more people were open about their experiences and could talk to their kids, siblings, etc without feeling embarrassed, I don’t think as many young people would be “experimenting” before they were ready.

      December 26, 2010 at 19:49

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