The life of a not so average girl doing not so average things.

So Here’s The Deal

Unless I hear big objections by next Monday, the “My Thoughts On Sex” post is going up. This is your fair warning.

I get more anxious by the minute. I’m so ready to home that I cannot even articulate it. I want to know what I made on my paper. I want to know if I’ve managed to squeeze and A out of my Old Testament final. I want to know if the new diet plan is going to work well. And mostly, I want to know what is going to happen with WhiteKnight.

Yesterday I had my vocal jury and it was…. less than terrific. In fact, it was pretty bad. I’m still sick and I got really nervous. Being nervous is pretty usual for me when it comes to performing, but this was different. It was like my body just would not respond to my directions. It was my last chance this semester to prove that I deserve to be in chorale and I blew it.

I was really distraught. I do not want Chorale to become like HIllside was in high school. I don’t want to spend the next 2.5 years wishing I was better, wishing I was more than what I am. My friend, let’s call him L.A., said some truly profound things in an attempt to cheer me up. He said that I need to stop obsessing about all of this, I need to “feel that I’m great in my own right, not by someone else’s standard.” So I asked him if it made me a bad person to need validation from others and he told me that no, it does not. I just can’t let it consume me. He then Proceeded to call me, while I was in the dining hall, to sing I Am The Greatest by Kenny Rogers. It was really awesome and he sounded pretty good to boot. Mostly, it showed how much he cares. We were good friends in high school, but both of us were scared of getting too close to the other, so we were always a little distant. Since he moved to L.A., we’ve gotten really close. We can tell each other things that we are afraid to tell any one else. I’m pretty sure he reads my blog religiously, because he also texts me after I’ve posted something that upsets me or makes me really happy. He’s one of my best friends, we made it official just a few weeks ago. Haha!

And then the best part of my day happened. My friend, we’ll call her RoseBud(I’m helping her start a blog tonight!), and FrenchHornGuy, and I were in RoseBud’s room watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World(I highly recommend this movie to all of you) when we here a very loud knock on the door. When we open said door, there is a young man laying on the ground that has been duct taped into his mattress and left there. His friends were kind enough to put him baseball helmet on beforehand. We rescued him, which ended up being a really good thing, because apparently he had made his way down the hall and no one had been willing to help him yet. It was awful and really funny at the same time. If he had been seriously hurt or upset, it wouldn’t have been funny, but he was a freshmen living with a bunch of upperclassmen and I think he knew this was bound to happen. It definitely made me feel like my problems were far, far away.

Now I need to get back to studying. I’m really hoping for a straight A semester and I’m really quite close. I hope that all of you are having a good holiday season thus far. Stay safe, stay warm, and stay happy.

-Kay

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3 responses

  1. Aw hon. I get it. I do.

    Here’s something my therapist said to me recently that stuck with me. I’m still struggling with it, but trying to live it: “Who you Are is not what you Do.”

    It’s still hard, though.

    December 15, 2010 at 07:08

    • Kay

      That IS a hard one. I think it will be appearing on a sticky note on my mirror soon, though. 🙂 Thanks, TM!

      December 15, 2010 at 08:56

  2. My response is more base and reflective of my “less than holiday cheer.” I learned it from Forrest Gump (the book, not the movie), “Shit on them people.” 🙂

    December 15, 2010 at 20:53

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